Skip to main content

YOU

I see your trust issues now, your paranoia. But you make me feel like I don't matter, that I don't exist. You make me feel like I'm not allowed to feel the way I do and you question my feelings constantly. You tell me that you think I'm just acting over here, you tell me I'm manipulative. How can I be manipulative when I actually feel the way I feel? I'm not trying to hide my tears from you to get something I want. What would it be that I want?
Yes, I do want something from you, but I'm not going to manipulate you to get it because it is impossible to do so. I want your actual love, your trust, your willingness to understand and listen. But I don't get that from you. You just tell me everything I do wrong and that I somehow twist things because YOU feel guilty. I'm not making you feel guilty, that's your own.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Road to No Progression

This morning started out rough I thought. It was gloomy. My alarm went off at 9am, it seemed to have annoyed him. I think that started his bad mood. I offered to make pancakes. I went to the kitchen and started putting together the batter. He walked past the kitchen, he mentioned that the weather looked cold as he peered out the window. Next thing I heard was him opening the apartment door and closing it. I looked, he went out to the front porch. As I made pancakes, he just sat outside on the porch, on his phone. I wondered which girl he might be texting this morning. He obviously has no interest in me anymore. I made his batch of pancakes first and brought it to him outside. As he ate his pancakes outside, I was back inside making my own batch, watching him through the reflection of the microwave. Trying to find some kind of sign of what he was feeling or thinking. Nothing. I ate my pancakes inside on the couch. So this is what life is going to be like with us now. We decided to wat...

Discovery and Change

 I've been on this journey of self discovery. Discovering barriers to me living a full life. These barriers included past traumas affecting my perception of myself and the world. I made the decision that I need to change because that is the only guaranteed control I have in this world. Deciding to take hold of my life through self-development books and podcasts, going through therapy and working with an intuitive eating coach.  I'm not allowing myself to live less of a life than I can and deserve. But only I can make those changes and that happen. Enough has happened to me for me to decide enough is enough. Isn't that great? The fact that we get to DECIDE through any circumstance?