This morning started out rough I thought. It was gloomy. My alarm went off at 9am, it seemed to have annoyed him. I think that started his bad mood. I offered to make pancakes. I went to the kitchen and started putting together the batter. He walked past the kitchen, he mentioned that the weather looked cold as he peered out the window. Next thing I heard was him opening the apartment door and closing it. I looked, he went out to the front porch. As I made pancakes, he just sat outside on the porch, on his phone. I wondered which girl he might be texting this morning. He obviously has no interest in me anymore.
I made his batch of pancakes first and brought it to him outside. As he ate his pancakes outside, I was back inside making my own batch, watching him through the reflection of the microwave. Trying to find some kind of sign of what he was feeling or thinking. Nothing. I ate my pancakes inside on the couch. So this is what life is going to be like with us now.
We decided to watch a movie, he was talking about how much he liked the movie Logan. I hadn't seen it yet, I could tell he wanted to watch it again. I found it on Amazon Prime for free, so we loaded it on the television and sat on our sides of the couch to watch it. He hasn't touched me all morning, no kiss, nothing. What have I done wrong? I don't understand what is going on.
I really liked the movie, a bit gory but very good story line. After the movie, I realized my stomach was growling since breakfast. We decided to go to Noodles and Company for some lunch. We joked on our way to lunch and everything seemed to be fine all of the sudden. Maybe things are ok and I'm just being crazy. He mentioned during our talk yesterday that sometimes he doesn't need to talk, he is just ok with chilling. That must have been one of those moments this morning.
After lunch we went next door to the Jerky Store and tried various jerky's before buying some. On our way to the car, he says "It feels like a drinking day". I suggested that we go to the liquor store and pick something up. We grabbed a few things at our usual liquor store by our apartments. I admit, I was a little excited. Usually when we drink that means we have sex later. I was looking forward to that. It's been a while. I think 2 weeks now. I thought, maybe this time he would initiate it after our discussion yesterday.
We came home and started drinking a little and watching Friends. We laughed, joked, he ordered Pizza. I was definitely buzzed. I'm not sure he was, I tried to scoot closer to him and kiss him on the couch. Trying to signal to him that I was up for getting a little frisky. He obviously did not pick up on that signal. I had to remind myself and that I told him I would not initiate anything. I'm starting to feel stupid at this point.
He gets up and goes to the bathroom. I hear the shower running. He does this sometimes. But then time goes by, he's been in the shower for a while. An hour goes by. Is he ok? I thought. A brief thought of excitement pops into my head, maybe he is cleaning himself for me. Maybe we will do something. That becomes a fleeting thought as I remind myself of our lack of connection earlier today. I'm probably not going to get anything tonight. But I'm feeling flushed and ready. It feels like it has been forever! I give up on the feeling that anything is going to happen between us. Well, I need something! I pleasure myself with my vibrator because that is all I'm going to get for a while.
He's out of the shower now. I ask if he is ok, he brushes me off and says everything is fine. I know better, everything is not fine. I guess we are just going to keep living this way. We are going to keep traveling on this road to no progression.
I made his batch of pancakes first and brought it to him outside. As he ate his pancakes outside, I was back inside making my own batch, watching him through the reflection of the microwave. Trying to find some kind of sign of what he was feeling or thinking. Nothing. I ate my pancakes inside on the couch. So this is what life is going to be like with us now.
We decided to watch a movie, he was talking about how much he liked the movie Logan. I hadn't seen it yet, I could tell he wanted to watch it again. I found it on Amazon Prime for free, so we loaded it on the television and sat on our sides of the couch to watch it. He hasn't touched me all morning, no kiss, nothing. What have I done wrong? I don't understand what is going on.
I really liked the movie, a bit gory but very good story line. After the movie, I realized my stomach was growling since breakfast. We decided to go to Noodles and Company for some lunch. We joked on our way to lunch and everything seemed to be fine all of the sudden. Maybe things are ok and I'm just being crazy. He mentioned during our talk yesterday that sometimes he doesn't need to talk, he is just ok with chilling. That must have been one of those moments this morning.
After lunch we went next door to the Jerky Store and tried various jerky's before buying some. On our way to the car, he says "It feels like a drinking day". I suggested that we go to the liquor store and pick something up. We grabbed a few things at our usual liquor store by our apartments. I admit, I was a little excited. Usually when we drink that means we have sex later. I was looking forward to that. It's been a while. I think 2 weeks now. I thought, maybe this time he would initiate it after our discussion yesterday.
We came home and started drinking a little and watching Friends. We laughed, joked, he ordered Pizza. I was definitely buzzed. I'm not sure he was, I tried to scoot closer to him and kiss him on the couch. Trying to signal to him that I was up for getting a little frisky. He obviously did not pick up on that signal. I had to remind myself and that I told him I would not initiate anything. I'm starting to feel stupid at this point.
He gets up and goes to the bathroom. I hear the shower running. He does this sometimes. But then time goes by, he's been in the shower for a while. An hour goes by. Is he ok? I thought. A brief thought of excitement pops into my head, maybe he is cleaning himself for me. Maybe we will do something. That becomes a fleeting thought as I remind myself of our lack of connection earlier today. I'm probably not going to get anything tonight. But I'm feeling flushed and ready. It feels like it has been forever! I give up on the feeling that anything is going to happen between us. Well, I need something! I pleasure myself with my vibrator because that is all I'm going to get for a while.
He's out of the shower now. I ask if he is ok, he brushes me off and says everything is fine. I know better, everything is not fine. I guess we are just going to keep living this way. We are going to keep traveling on this road to no progression.
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